The 4 Attachment Styles
Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby and expanded upon by others like Mary Ainsworth, describes the way individuals form emotional bonds with significant others, especially in early childhood in response to their relationships with their earliest caregivers. These attachment patterns tend to persist into adulthood and influence how individuals approach and navigate relationships. Our attachment style is thought to mirror the dynamics of the infant/child-caregiver relationship. These are the 4 main attachment styles:
Secure Attachment: is the ability to form secure, loving relationships with others.
~ Childhood characteristics: children with secure attachment feel confident that their caregivers will be available and responsive to their needs. They explore their environment with a sense of security.
~ Adult characteristics: adult with secure attachment are generally comfortable with emotional intimacy, are trusting, and have positive views of themselves and their partners. They can establish and maintain healthy relationships, balancing independence and closeness.In relationships, secure attachments are reliable, consistent, communicate relationships issues well, naturally expresses feelings for you, not afraid of commitment or dependency, don’t play games, and have a flexible view of relationships.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment: this style is a type of insecure attachment marked by a deep fear of abandonment. Individuals with this attachment style tend to be very insecure about their relationships, often worrying that their partner will leave them.
~ Childhood characteristics: children with anxious-preoccupied attachment may feel inconsistent caregiving. They may be distressed and anxious when their caregiver leaves the room and react ambivalently when caregiver returns (happy but angry at the same time). It may take this child longer to calm.
~ Adult characteristics: adults with this style often seek high levels of closeness and approval, but may worry about being abandoned. They may be sensitive to relationship dynamics, sometimes perceiving rejection even when its not present. They may be prone to relationship anxiety and fear of abandonment.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: this type of insecure attachment style that indicates fear of intimacy. Individuals with this attachment style tend to have difficulty getting close to others or trusting others in a relationship, due to ultimately not believing that their needs can be met in a relationship.
~ Childhood characteristics: children with dismissive-avoidant attachment may have caregivers who are emotionally unavailable or unresponsive. They learn to self-soothe and downplay their need for emotional connection.
~ Adult characteristics: adults with this style may have difficulty with emotional intimacy, often emphasizing independence and self-sufficiency. They may be uncomfortable with emotional expression and may find it challenging to rely on others or open up emotionally. In relationships, they tend to send mixed signals, value independence greatly, use distancing strategies (emotional or physical), have a rigid view of relationships and uncompromising rules, mistrustful of others, and are emotionally unavailable.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: is a combination of both the anxious and avoidant attachment style. They tend to want closeness and want to avoid it at the same time.
~ Childhood characteristics: children with fearful-avoidant attachment may have experienced inconsistent caregiving or even abuse. They may exhibit a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors.
~ Adult characteristics: adults with fearful-avoidant may desire closeness but fear the vulnerability that comes with it. They may struggle with trusting others and may have difficulty and maintaining stable relationships.
These attachment styles are not rigid categories, and individuals may display a combination of traits from different styles. Attachment styles are not set in stone and can be influenced by later life experiences and therapeutic interventions. It is possible to move from insecure to secure attachment by becoming more aware and understanding your own patterns and traits. Understanding your own attachment style and that of your partner can provide insights into relationship dynamics and help promote healthier interactions.
If you want to learn more about attachment styles, a great read is the book “Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find and keep love” by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
